When Patterns Are Broken, New Worlds Emerge
by TheCullensOnline
Summary: Enter the mind of Jasper Hale."I am not proud of my early life,but I feel that it is my obligation as your friend to allow you to see the truth about me.Read with the knowledge that w.o these memories,I wouldn't be the Jasper you know today.The truth is..
1. About myself

**About myself**

I am never sure what to write in these things, so I think I shall start from the beginning. My name is Jasper Whitlock, or as many of you know me Jasper Whitlock hale. I was born in 1843 and grew up in Houston, Texas. When I was almost 17, I lied about my age, claiming I was 20, and was accepted into the Confederate States Army, I was considered promising in my work, being classed as one of the best soldiers, I rose fairly quickly to become the youngest Major in the Army. In 1963, I celebrated my real 20th birthday; little did I know that this would be my last.

It was in this year when I was on a mission, when I met Maria. My life changed and ended in the moment I first laid eyes on her and her companions. The next few days were excruciating for me, and when I awoke I was new, different, and forever 20. I gained new skills, and a powerful grip on emotions, As a Child I got on well with everyone, My own Father put it down to Charisma, but now looking back I suspect something more, something deeper than simple charisma, I am able to manipulate the emotions around me to what ever I wish, as well as sensing the emotion that someone feels. I guess you would call me an Empath.

The next few years are times that I wish to forget, I was wild, an animal running an army with a woman that I grew to hate. I hated what I was, what I'd become. I found my release with Peter and Charlotte, leaving Maria, and becoming nomadic, but while Charlotte and Peter were my friends, they could not understand what was wrong with me. So eventually we split. And it was then, while wondering a street in Philadelphia, I decided to make a detour into an old diner to shelter form the rain. That moment changed my life for the better. That was when I met my soul mate. Alice.

She showed me all that I could not fathom, and I knew she was the one. We soon found the Cullens and their way of life changed me for the better. I now live with my adopted family here in Forks Washington.

While I find being with humans hard, I regret nothing, this is my life now.

_**Family**_  
I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world, Alice Cullen, My Rock and Love. She is everything in my world, I would do anything for my love, she's the reason I am who I am, and she keeps me grounded and happy. If anything were to happen to Alice I wouldn't be able to live. We met in a very unusual situation, but one look into her eyes and I knew where I belonged, she makes me complete in so many ways, she is my better half, she owns everything about me. Some men may say I'm whipped, I say bring on the chains. Alice is everything. I hate to make her sad, or unhappy in anyway, and I live for the moments I can see her smile shining at me, warming my heart and soul like nothing else. As far as I'm concerned there is no world, Only Alice. She's the reason I am here, and for that I am grateful beyond words. I love my wife very much.  
Alice, my darlin' I love you more than anything in the whole world.

I have of course a whole bunch of siblings, and two wonderful foster parents, I care about my family more than I thought possible, I'm all in all very happy with the people I ended up with. My life has taken a turn for the better and for that I'm very grateful, things are looking up and all because of a certain Pixie and the family she provided me with, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, Bella and the newest edition, Nessie.

And not forgetting our extended family, the lovely Tanya and her love of Pink, Kate and her love of all things different, Garrett, Carmen, Eleazar, Zafrina, Senna and all the others...

A special mention is placed here however for my Best friend (excluding Alice) Makenna, what can I say? The girl and I just get along, she's a really good person to talk to, she listens and she's always making me laugh, I don't think I've ever been this close to someone that was not Alice. Kenny just slotted right in, and while she's insane, she is also an amazing creature.

Being an old fashioned guy, I follow a lot of the rules that modern society has expelled, I believe that to make a woman cry is the lowest thing any man could do, along with acting like complete orc and doing things that would make a woman uncomfortable. Women are so much higher than us and we should praise them for that, we men should cherish them.

Now some things you may not know.  
Physically: I'm 6'4 in Height, Yes that makes me Taller than all the others in my family(Even Emmett), and while I am Blonde, I am in no way stupid, I think you'll find I am quite intelligent. My eyes were once a dark shade of Green.

Personally: I've picked up playing guitar, and I'm pretty good at it.  
I love all sorts of music, modern and older. My Favorite band is Queen, or Linkin Park, but I like Muse, Phil Collins, Kiss, Eminem anything really...  
My favorite Book is Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, although I do like many others.  
My Favorite Movie is a tie between I Am Legend and Casablanca (who doesn't love the classics?). I do however like other things like Alien and various action movies, as well as the occasional more… soft film like RENT. Sweeney Todd's pretty cool too.  
And I've got a thing for speed, but then again so does everyone in my family, with the exception of Bella...

I'll keep to myself mostly, but if you do something to piss me off, you will pay… I do not make empty threats, just ask my Brothers.

Jasper.

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Speak with me in person at www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com


	2. Maria Part 1

www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com

Maria Part 1

I felt a little bit of my back story may give you all an insight into who I really am, Please read this with open hearts and minds, I am not proud of my early life in the slightest, but I feel that it is my obligation as your friend to allow you to see the truth about me, the truth was, Alice was not the first person in my life, likewise nor was Maria, but I think that without the people before, I would not have been who I am today. I walked a line to where I was meant to be like any other person. So please read these next few memory blogs with the knowledge that without these memories, I wouldn't be the Jasper you know today...  
**  
Maria.**

I blinked open my eyes, the haze of unbearable pain finally lifting, the light from a nearby lamp casing brilliant shimmers of light before me. I had imagined my sight would have been blurred and unfocused, and yet I saw the clearest I had ever seen the light was dull, and yet I saw every line on the ceiling, every contour, every crevice of it stood out brilliantly, impossibly!

Where was I?

Vague memories of a woman, a dark haired woman and two companions in the night filled my head. Flashes of things I had felt, seen and even smelt, all of it flashed in my head, hazy compared to my new sight. The three women… her head inclining to my neck almost as though to kiss it tenderly and then the intense, sharp burn as her teeth pierced the flesh. The pain was excruciating, so excruciating that I could only vaguely remember the small woman picking me up from my feet with such ease that I knew she would and could never be human, and then the sense of flying through air, the wind not even battering my face as it should have.

She had brought me here, that small dark haired woman; barely a girl had brought me here and done something to me, something I could not quite understand. Confusion washed through my mind. The pain had been all consuming, had I missed the explanation to this oddity in my pain induced high?

How long had I been that way? Hours? Days? Weeks?

My mind swam with new sensations and yet I could not understand what or why this was happening to me. I felt so many things in my mind, worry, fear, anger, curiosity but strangest of all, I felt I felt admiration. For what, I did not know, because it was becoming increasingly clear that this sense was not my own. It was an outsider emotion, an invasion into my system. I became increasingly aware of a throbbing within my throat, a burning similar to that of the burning I had felt not moments before and for what seemed like an age, only less horrifying and more, natural, uncomfortable and near unbearable but natural.

"Good evening Jasper." A sweet voice said right beside my ear, with a speed I did not know I could possess an inhuman speed I instantly jumped away from the voice landing feet from where I was and swiveling to look at this new threat, only to find that right beside me stood the dark haired girl from my nightmare. Only this time I could appreciate her true beauty, with my new eyes I saw her perfect features, her chalk skin with a darker tint beneath giving her a porcelain image, long flowing mahogany hair to her waist and the most unusually perfect complexion. But the one thing that stood out most where here eyes, deep crimson irises, petrifying and yet I felt no fear for her. She appeared to be concerned some how, her perfect features marred by a frown. A curious glint in her eye.

"You had us worried, major. I have never witnessed someone's transformation to take so long. I honestly feared I had drank too much, 10 days is a long time. You're stronger than I thought. After it became apparent that the change was not killing you, I was forced to add more, I had worried that you would kill yourself fighting it before I could introduce you to your new life." Her voice was musical, smooth as glass, like the trickling of a fountain. What was she speaking about? Her words made no sense to me, only the said passing of time seemed to make any sense. 10 days.

10 days of pure agony caused by this tiny creature. She had said I had fought, but fought what? Why was I here? What was I? Who was I? The name Jasper stirred something in me, but where it was from I had no inclination. I could barely remember anything but the face of this woman. There were small things, but it was as though a sheet of mist covered my eyes, a permanently clouded pane of glass. I tried to remember how to speak but the pain in my throat was consuming.

Maria seemed to understand this, because she moved towards me, placing her small hand upon my arm, her hand feeling warm against my skin, my eyes shot down in an instant to see the contrast of her hand on my arm, only to find a crescent shape right where her hand was, one single crescent half moon.

"I know you are confused, and I know that your mind is too confused to see the sense in what has occurred." She noticed how my eyes traveled to the single scar on my arm. "I am truly sorry for that. But what is one scar, for a life time without them?" she tilted her head to the side, looking at me in such a way I felt a wash of attraction instantly come over me. "You are a pretty one aren't you." she muttered before turning away for a moment, only then did I notice the two other figures within the room.

It was tiny, barely a shack, so how could I not have noticed the two blonde women from before. Both were, like the brunette, beautiful beyond compare, but strangely dull beside her. Both looked at me with what appeared to be apprehension, like I could harm them any moment without my realizing. I knew that being a man in a room with three women I could seem intimidating. Trying to clear the burn I crocked out.

"You don't have to fear Me." my voice was different. Like the brunette's it was smoother, inviting even, this shocked me, because the burn within my throat was surely supposed to have some effect on my vocal chords?

Something I said seemed to amuse the three women who instantly relaxed. The blonde with the lightest shade even allowing a small giggle to escape her lips, but it was once more the brunette to speak.

"Jasper, My name is Maria, these two are my companions Nettie and Lucy" she pointed to each in turn, both of whom gave what seemed to be a small curtsy at their name. Maria turned back to me then, a smile on her lips. "I am sure you are very confused, and I am sure you are curious as to what has happened." I opened my mouth to speak, and yet she continued "But, there is time for that, first, I am sure you are thirsty." She tilted her head to the side, perhaps expecting an answer.

Thirsty, perhaps so, my throat might have been coated with liquid, this might have helped to ease the burn. I nodded my head once; this was clarification enough for her it seemed for she turned to the one called Lucy and spoke the strangest words.

"Bring him in" Lucy then disappeared for a moment. It was then that the most succulent scent hit my senses, it was the most amazing thing I had ever smelt and I had to have it, I felt a savage growl build in my chest as Lucy brought in a man barely my age, struggling impossibly against her grip.

Without a thought I felt myself fly towards him, instantly my teeth found his neck, I could hear his blood, I could smell it, and I wanted it. I plunged my teeth into his artery and began to drink the sweetest honey I had ever tasted. I felt the burning ease slightly, the blood coating my throat deliciously, I sucked his life into my mouth, only the smallest sense of guilt, and fear entered my mind. I kept on, but it was not enough, soon all of it was gone, and I was still thirsty.

I let go of his corpse and stepped away in shock, this should have disgusted me, and yet it did not. I turned to Maria for answers. Her face was filled with something unreadable, the same sense of admiration coming over me as before. I wanted to yell, I wanted to ask her what was happening, why was that man's life's blood so important to me? Instead I said… "More" And more was brought, two women both older than I.  
I drunk from them too.

After I had had almost my fill, Maria pulled me aside, her beauty again overwhelming me, her voice soft and calm, she should have been disgusted, I should have been disgusted and yet she smiled widely, almost lovingly.

"Beautiful boy, I know you are yet confused, but I pray some of this that I say will ease that confusion. Jasper, have you ever heard the term, Vampyr? It is the Latin explanation for what we are. Vampires my beautiful one. We are born for the night, and for the kill, the blood. I saw you in your human ways and thought it was such a waste to leave you in such a silly race. You could be so much greater as one of us. Does this make any sense to you at all?" she asked, nodding her head as though answering her own question.

In truth I had heard the term before somewhere, I felt the stirring of words in my mind, 'Demons of the night' the phrase said by a male voice repeated in my head. Vampire. That is what I was, a demon, a demon who relied on the life of others to survive. I should have felt fear, Maria reached for my hand, and I glanced to it, it felt wrong, like it should not have been there, like it was someone else who belonged, and yet she was so compelling. She had made me into this. I should have felt fear, I should have hated her, and yet I did not. Instead I looked up into the looking glass across the room, saw my blood red eyes, my chiseled features and pale skin, nodded my head and turned to her once more.  
"Tell me more of this life."


	3. Maria Part 2

**Maria Part 2**

The time when one is a creature of the night tend to flow into one, hours become minutes, days become hours, and weeks flow into one to create one long day. Three days was all it took for me to realize this, three days of nothing but blurred feeding rituals and moments of story telling. I learned in those days the most I could about Maria, Lucy, and Nettie. I also learned in those three days how unimportant the last two where to Maria. Sitting around the dingy little room, they told me of the wars around them, the laws they were against set by the Volturi and the Vendetta they carried for their kind. Our kind.

From the start Maria made it quite clear the preference for me she had developed pushed me further than the other two, she was surprised of course by my strength as a newborn, not my physical strength but my mental ability was claimed to be far superior to that of any others, I was able to think without the corruption of bloodlust taking over, I was able to observe the behavior around me with a keen interest, only when the sent of a human filled my lungs would I succumb to the usual expected thirst for the blood of another. But it was through my strange gift that Maria found the most use for me, the most admiration for me.

From the moment I awoke I had been sensing many things around me, things I thought were normal for the new being that I had become, but from the first conversation Maria and I held, I knew something was different, not wrong, that would be the wrong word, but different. For one thing, I kept feeling strange emotions pushed against my own, like from an outside force, pulling me deeper and deeper until my emotions mimicked that of the intruding emotion.

To describe how it feels to be invaded by another's emotions is very difficult indeed; it's almost too strange to speak of, like this strange force that pushes down against you, invading your mind and your heart at once, you have no control of yourself and feel as though your mind is being misplaced and replaced with something alien. It's not painful, not at all, but it is very strange, it almost feels like it is numbing, until all you feel is that emotion, and you know that there is something above it, something that is your own, but you can't grasp it through the cloud of the other. In the beginning it was maddening; the changes sometimes so fast it only took a second for me to do something in a rage, or out of passion. It would take me many years to overcome this and push through the veil of feeling that masked my own, and many mistakes made from alien emotion before I would even begin to discover that I did not need to be ruled by my gift.

Maria was especially fascinated with this, just as fascinated with my gift as I was by her. I am not proud of our times together, and by no means was I completely satisfied with a relationship based on nothing but lust and greed, in fact, every moment spent with her was in complete horror for what my life had become. It was with the knowledge of my admiration for her, and the fact that I possessed such talent and would willingly follow her that Maria was able to begin her plans of an army.

However it would be a long time before I spoke of my gift to her, months even since my change. Months even after she had begun turning the others. We had been hunting as it was now called when one would seek sustenance, Maria and I, there had been two females, both moderately pretty for humans, but nothing compared to the beauty I spent my nights with. I was already growing accustomed to the jolt of fear that filled me, the pain of the human beneath me as I took their very life out of their hands, however this one affected me badly, I remember placing my lips to her neck swiftly, hoping that the pain I felt would disappear as usual with the first taste of the succulence that every human's flimsy skin concealed. However the moment my teeth pierced the skin, I felt this surge of the most powerful fear over come me, bringing me instantly to my knees, away from the prey I held in my grip.

It was so powerful, I felt it now more than ever, the pain that filled me was not outside, it was corrupting, for the first time in my immortal life, I felt the pain I had inflicted on others in those short months. the moment my knees hit the ground, Maria was before me, her hands held close around the neck of my prey, with a simple flick, I heard the sharp snap of bone as her lifeless corpse fell to the ground, the suppression lifted instantly and I could again think clear, Maria stared down at me in what looked close to disgust.

"What the hell do you believe you are doing?!" she hissed at me, venom and fear lacing her voice. I did not understand this reaction, until I saw the small punctures of where my mouth had once been against the neck of the woman crumpled before me, Maria's eyes were wide with terror, and she believed me to be trying to turn this human. I was sure of it.

I shook my head, "No, Maria, you do not understand, I can't explain it but, her fear, it was corrupting, it was too strong…" I rasped. Maria's expression changed instantly, curiosity taking over. "Jasper, my darling, what on this Earth is it you speak of?" She bent down to me, her long hair cascading around her in a sheet of black against the night, making her almost invisible to the feeble eyed. Her small fingers moving to my lips and wiping away the glistening red that sparkled against my snowy white skin, quickly she brought the droplet to her own mouth before turning her gaze once more on me.

I shook my head in confusion, Unable to describe to her the thing I had hidden from her for so long. But Maria was by no means stupid, recognition instantly coloured her expression, her eyes glistened at me with prospect, her mind no doubt racing. "My Jasper" she said softly "You feel them don't you? You can sense the emotions your prey do feel in their moments before death, non? Am I correct?" I looked to her with confusion, my brow wrinkled in confusion, trying to find the words to say she was somewhat correct, "Something like that." I managed before she pulled me to my feet, pulling my face to hers in a passion filled kiss and then pulling away to stare into my eyes with what could only be described as excitement.

"But this is wonderful! Jasper, do you know what this means?" I shook my head to symbolise no. Maria laughed a musical laugh that echoed off the walls around us, "You silly boy, this means that we have a greater power, and upper hand so to speak on our enemies." I felt my eyes widen in fear, in denial, I could barely control this as it was. But then her lips touched mine again, and I knew I was lost. How could one fight someone who appeared to be all they desired? Appeared being the best way to describe it, an outsider view of happiness when below lay nothing but greed, nothing but lust.

She took my hand and led me back to the others, pulling me aside to the quarters she had claimed for her own. Lucy and Nettie watched us with spiteful gazes, my brothers as they were now too looked upon us with unease.

This marked the beginning of one of the longest stretches of my life I have had, stretches in which the monster lived and thrived and Jasper was shoved aside into the dark corners of my mind. I suppose that was my undoing in the end, I had always been so strong before this, and at the time I had believed I still was.

Yet now I gaze back with shame. Weakness never fully goes away, and weakness such as my own was more than a fair amount to corrode a persons very being.

* * *

**www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com**


	4. Maria Part 3

**Maria Part 3**

The first time I was forced to kill one of my fellow brothers in our army was by far the worst kill I have ever faced, that first step into something that you know will change you. Killing a vampire is not the same as killing a human. Taking the life of a human for us is natural, instinct takes over until your mind is clouded with bloodlust, after everything becomes nothing but a blur save for the succulent taste, or in my case the taste of the blood and the feeling of their pain, but no, killing a vampire is nothing like taking the life of a human, it is less natural, one has to fight for their survival, kill or be killed as it were. The monster again takes over, but without the bloodlust there to override everything, you are left with nothing but instinct and whit. In a way the bloodlust almost makes it easier, the true battle comes when you are forced to kill your own.

When vampires are together in larger covens, or forced to live in confinements of only them, mostly among the males, an almost territorial urge comes through, there is often a battle amongst them for the place of leader, the higher position in the coven, I suppose not unlike the Alpha in a pack of wolves, A chain of mutual respect for those who manage to kill all their foes, the respect builds for those who are able to destroy all who challenge them. My brothers used to fight all the time amongst themselves, some dying, others losing limbs and being rendered incapable for hours on end. I never saw the need as they did to fight so, I never felt the point in losing parts of me to gain a respect that I already had, a respect born from the fact that Maria and I were, together.

I vividly remember the first day I was in fact involved in one of these scuffles, not so much a scuffle as a full blown attack, it is not something one forgets easily, the attack on their almost happy bubble of ignorant bliss, and the harsh reality of the blood of one of your own kind on your hands.

Ever since the time of my change I had always been favored by Maria over my brothers, perhaps her lust for vanity was the reason for this, or perhaps it was her greed for power, whatever it was, she saw in me something she did not in the others and I, in turn, was so smitten with the creature who condemned me to immortal life that I could not see the dangers that my brothers could cause. What was the jealousy of these men to me? It was nothing but small annoyance they were jealous of my automatic leadership, my high rank. Not many of them knew of my power at the time, Maria had chosen to keep my ability from them, she had kept me from telling them of my gift by claims that they would not understand, that they would see me as a threat of some sort and that she feared I would be killed for my gift. For many, my status within the army was purely because of my relationship with Maria, I suppose from an outsider view, it might have seemed like Maria and I were mates, like our being together was based some form of love rather than being based on lust and greed and the need for power. In their eyes the fact that my bond with Maria was built sexually, meant that I was not deserving of my rank.

As it was I would become a threat to them, I would also gain the most respect of any, and while I was challenged many times after, none of them could ever get over the shock that I was not indeed, Maria's bitch, but I was in fact useful, more so than any of them to her. At this time in my tale however, the resentment of my brothers was never stronger than from that of a somewhat older vampire, one of the males turned before I, his name was Philip. He was rather larger of build than I am, and somewhat shorter in height, hardened in his human life by his work as a farmer turned soldier in the uproars down south, hw was also perhaps the strongest of the vampires we had, even the newer newborns could not quite match his strength, I believe this could have been because of his physical state as a human, the fact that his strength gained then carried on into his next life.

I remember always having this sense of hatred flung my way every time Phillip was near, his hatred for my being oozed from the very core of his own, almost crushing, the anger he felt when I was near was unlike any I had ever felt before. It was somewhat of an amusement to me to have someone feel so strongly against me, all my life I had been well liked, never having one person dislike me more than the standard amount, it was quite different to know that Phillip detested me so, it was almost fascinating to me that someone could feel so strongly for another being in such a negative way. I often chose to be near him just for that matter, I was curious to his emotions, to what sparked his hate for me. In fact I was curious as to why all of them chose to fight within themselves when working together as a team seemed more of a logical idea. No matter how many times I watched them fight, watched some die, I never fully understood why they did these things.

Perhaps it was my gift that prevented me from seeing it at first however, it soon became apparent to me their reasons for such behavior, the first time I experienced first hand what it was like to be in the midst and the subject of one of their squabbles. It was one of the then rare occasions in which Maria had chosen to leave me with the newborns so that she might find more to join us, she always took with her the stronger of the few, the ones who were able to resist some of the blood that was spilled, I unfortunately was not one of them, while my control was outstanding compared to most, often as said before, bloodlust would over come the mind and all reason was destroyed within my usually alert mind.

It must have been only a few hours after she had departed when I was assaulted by a particularly strong sense of hatred, anger beyond any I could ever have imagined filled my heart as Phillip approached me, I was standing watch over the newborns as I was asked, being careful to stay to the side and away from their arguments and conversations, so when I felt his presence I was somewhat caught off guard, I had expected to be left alone as was usually the case. "Jasper" his gruff voice commanded gravely to the ear, even in his vampiric alterations.

Turning to him I felt his glare penetrate my mind, like he was trying to see right inside of me and tear me apart, I stood up wearily to meet his confrontation, for this I knew it would be, the way he carried himself, the way his eyes were wild with the adrenaline like rush our kind gain from the kill, I knew he was up to something, and I had the slightest suspicion he would fight me, I never wanted that. In truth I wanted nothing to do with the squabbles between my brothers; I wanted to be left alone, to do Maria's bidding.

Standing to face him, I held his gaze careful not to provoke him unwontedly. "Is there a problem brother?" I asked tilting my head to the side in curiosity, nervous to see what his reaction to my words would be, from the corner of my eyes I saw the others beginning to glance our way, some getting up to get a closer look, I noted dully how the room grew quiet from the usual chatter, from the usual moans of frustration and anger, from anything but the sound of the breath filling our dead lungs.

"Don't brother me boy." Phillip pointed a large finger at me, dully I heard a few snickers from the room, although I could not tell from who, my eyes were fixed upon the man before me, a million and one strategies in my mind of how to incapacitate him, all of which would have worked on human opponents, but this was a vampire, a considerably stronger vampire. The current 'alpha' as it were to the group of 14, a group that had once been as high in rank as 20, all of those lost, lost at the hands of this male. I knew under normal circumstances the odds were not in favor of me, I was still strong, but I was also no match for him, he was bigger, stronger and had the group with him. I could feel it now all the hate directed to me, all the anger from a large amount of the few gathered, I instantly began to ready myself for the attack, the pounce, my hands at my sides balled into fists, I could feel each tendon in my arms stretched, my legs ready for the crouch. "It seems to me you've been sitting pretty nice in your high horse, and I'm growing mighty tired of it."

Suppressing the growl that filled my throat at the first sign of danger, I swallowed it down and spoke calmly as I could. "Phillip, I have no idea what ya'll are talkin' about. I ain't on anyone's high horse; you've picked a fight with the wrong man my friend"

"Is that a threat?" He asked over my words, I could sense that no matter what, he was going to attack me, and I was going to be ready, I would not go down without a fight and I would come out victorious, I knew suddenly what they saw in their squabbles, the power that came with the talk, with the readying ones self for the attack, I could only imagine what it would feel like to actually fight him, my mind was fading, my instinct for survival was beginning to push forward, the demon coming into the light, poised and ready to fight, I had to push back to keep from attacking him instantly. I knew this would be no good. That attacking him directly was suicide.

The thought that he had not yet attacked me did not even cross my mind, like I said, the intensity of the primal urge to kill, to attack is harder to fight, in the sign of any danger this is our natural defense, some vampires choose to give in to this urge completely, never having a moment in which the power does not control them, while others like myself choose to fight it until the time it is needed most, this was something Maria taught me, that if one could control their inner demon, they would be able to over come any foe, they would be the victor over those who followed only their primal instinct, it was whit and the combination of strength and the urge that made the substance potent enough to work towards defeating those who attacked you.

"Not at all Brother, but I know your intentions."  
"You don't know Sh*t Boy. I'm sick of you walkin' around like you own the place, why don't you fight like a man and show us if you really deserve your place as Maria's lap dog." Without another word he set upon me, everything was blurry for only a second as we both slipped to defensive crouches, hisses escaping our lips and the lips of those around us, wordlessly we began to circle as is the natural way, the others forming an almost complete circle around us, I pushed the emotions of excitement, of anger out of my mind, concentrating purely on the beast before me. I waited, circling, for him to grow quiet and to make the first move. None of us were known for our patients, I did not need to wait long before Phillip lunged for me, snapping for my neck, instantly I sidestepped, my training for the human army coming in handy in my vampire life, my arm swung round and collided shatteringly hard with the back of his head, Phillip flew forward into the others a second before he was upon me again, this time managing to grab my arm as though to pull it from it socket, I kicked wildly for his midsection, satisfied as it made him release me, it was clear that he was shocked from my speed and from my skill, however this did not deter him long, as almost instantly he had me under his arm, I struggled against him, snarling furiously and snapping for any part of him I could, that was when I felt his teeth sink into my flesh, the pain was not unlike the pain felt when one was mid change, less so, but uncomfortable, I hissed and smacked him away. My head coming up my arm flying for his face, smacking him away from me, I kicked wildly for his midsection sending him again flying to the wall of faces, my hand flying to my neck where it stung, it was not a deep wound, and already healing, but it stung like fire ants.

Not a second later and he was upon me again, snarling with such fury that I have never seen before, nor since, but something inside me stirred, spurred on by the sting of my neck, I felt my own fury building, doubled by the fury I felt from him, from those around me, instantly I willed that fury to be crippling, I wanted him to feel so much hate that he would surely die from the fury I felt, as it was he took the slightest step away in shock, and that was when I knew I had the power over him, the upper hand, with my gift, I had the ability to control any and all emotions I wanted within those around me, I willed upon him the emotions I felt daily, weakening him, before attacking him again, I kicked and bit and hit and scratched, tearing chunks from his body, the snarling building in my chest, I tore at him, feeling every stretch and snap of flesh and bone until there was nothing left, only when I was done, did I hear the silent clapping.

Spinning round, I saw the small shape of Maria, behind her two vampires pulled along a young man with blondish brown hair, judging from his yells and the red oozing from his neck, he was to be turned.

Maria's musical voice called out "Take him to the back" before she moved closer to me "Bravo my darling" she smiled to me, turning to the closest two vampires on her right "Burn the pieces will you" before turning back to me. "You did well for your first fight Jasper." She examined my neck closely where the first wound now began to show, identical to the scar on the other side. "Very well" she smiled proudly, dancing her fingers over my neck before she turned to the others "let this be a warning to you all, if ever I find you to be traitorous in anyway, I will not hesitate to set Jasper upon you, Phillip was stupid, he deserved to die. As do any of you filth that choose to disobey my orders. I made you and I can destroy you." before she swept gracefully from the room.

I suddenly felt the greatest sense of pride, it was maddening, all the eyes gazed upon me with a new found respect, fear to some, they had witnessed why my gift was, the power I had and they feared me.

Following behind Maria, I came upon the dying man, writhing in pain; I kneeled beside him, needing a distraction from the power I felt, the power I was already beginning to detest. The man was dressed in the same army uniform that I once wore, he was somewhat older than I, perhaps only by a few years, his face contorted in the pain of the change making it harder to estimate an exact age. He was crying out things, sentences, willing death, coherent enough to look me in the eye as he screamed.

"What is your name?" I asked three days later, the first time I spoke to the newest of our members, sitting across from him as he arouse to his new life.

"Peter" he replied instantly.

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**www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com **

**Make sure to stop by for our March Membership Drive. For every new member this month we will be donating to St. Judes Childrens Hospital.**


	5. The Volturi

**Volterra.**

Just the sound of the name brings fear to whomever is aware of the force that resides there, any smart vampire would turn their backs and run, never venturing out from the set rules of our royal family, any smart vampire would not work against the family thinking they held a chance, any smart vampire would not leave their coven for a life of war. Well you'd think these things would not be possible to happen to one single vampire. There you are wrong.

In my years as a Vampire, the one force I have been constantly aware of has been that of the most royal family of Vampires the Earth has seen. The Volturi have been a thing of fear and mystery for centuries. Formed by the powerful forces that were Aro, Caius and Marcus Volturi, archangels to the foundation of vampire society, for centuries before them ruled the Romanian coven, slavery and domination were their game, they killed who they pleased and did as they liked, before Aro and his brothers gained the respect of others of their kind, enough to overthrow the Romanians.

From then the dawn of a new age was born. The Volturi made rules for all vampire kind to follow, less they wished to incur the wrath of our leaders, our royals and kings. Some fought against them, like the Romanians, others accepted the rules as the norm, never questioning the Volturi openly this was the world I, Jasper Whitlock, was brought into as a new born vampire.

Only the bravest of vampires dared to go against the Volturi coven, the southern wars a prime example of such bravery, of such foolishness. The wars were pointless and over land that could never truly belong to those who fought to gain it. All land of this earth is land to the Volturi, no matter who died for it, who killed for it, the land was never theirs to own. By the time I was brought into the world of Vampires and of the Volturi, the wars for the main part were over, and yet there were still those who dared to question the Volturi and who dared to break their rules in a search for their own personal gain.

Maria was such. A fiery creature created within the original wars as a soldier, her mind so corrupted by the vision of her creator, much like mine was at the time. Every step of the way she wished for power, and every step of the way the Volturi were watching, ready to destroy her empire the moment it became too much of a threat to them, by which time Maria and I were long gone from the place of destruction. The wars raged on for years without so much as a whisper as to my involvement.

Maria trained us to fear the Volturi but not to hold them as gods, she taught us how to fight, and planned to take back her land with hidden dreams to one day take over the Volturi's place as leaders, she planned that I would rule by her side, that we would be the most respected of vampires to have over thrown the Volturi leaders, the masters to our kind. Foolish dreams, for no matter how she tried the Volturi would not be diverted, they held themselves over us, able to take from her the one thing she needed most, her army. In turn destroying the smallest bits of sanity she had retained from her human life.

I encountered the Volturi only once in person before my time with the Cullens, the most strategic of the coven was hot upon my heels, having finally seen the involvement of Maria and I in these wars. His name was Demetri, and if not for him I would be dead this moment, I would never have met Alice and I would not be telling my tale now.

We rushed through the open space, running as fast as we could, we had cut it too close and our scent was not gone from the battle ground, Maria ran to the west and I to the east, all too aware of the tracker not far behind me. My adrenaline ran hard within my stone cold, empty veins. Even so, I was too late.

I sensed him before he struck me.

Darting away from him and spinning to face him, planning to give him the biggest fight of his life before my demise only to be shocked to see him standing still as stone, his head cocked to the side, a cocky smirk upon his white face.

"I wonder why you run when you are not the leader of this army and yet you do not stay behind like your comrades to die, curious indeed. You seem at any rate not to be a newborn, I can tell by the stance you take, had you been you might have attacked me and I might have killed you sooner."

Curling my fingers I stood in anticipation for his attack, knowing he would be harder to fight than some silly newborn. He just smirked back at me, his handsome smile touching handsome features I had grown accustomed to seeing within our kind. Now while I was far from attacked to anyone of the male sex, I could not help but see the appeal within him that he may hold to one who was different to myself, a female for example. I relaxed my stance wearily for a moment, assessing the situation with this creature before me.

"What leads you to believe you would be able to kill me Volturi? I might not be all you expected to fight, and I am far from being inexperienced in battle."

He smirked once more at me, resting cockily against a tree, seemingly completely at ease with his surroundings. "As I can see from here, those are quite some scars you carry my friend, hardly the look of a newborn babe."

I snickered softly. "I am far from a child."

He grinned at me and flicked his tongue over his front teeth, which were slightly pointed as my own were, relaxing against the tree, his emotion completely neutral, as though he were not talking to an enemy but to a friend and trusted ally, whom he saw no threat at all from. I frowned slightly, confused by his ease of manner, his emotion did not match that of someone who was close to being my death.

"As I can see, now tell me who was it that made you? Who was it the guard needs to punish, the maker of this war?"

I growled ferally at his words, the air of relaxation gone from my body, replaced with the desire to protect the woman who commanded me, who owned me for all intents and purposes. He merely raised his eyebrows to me and continued on to his next question, realising perhaps I would not be speaking of my maker today.

"What is your name soldier? Why do you fight for someone who is not your own self?"

I tilted my head to the side, trying to understand why he stood so still, so neutral when I had just threatened him with my growls. He eyed me with an almost cocksure demeanour, smirking at my reactions every so often.

"Surely that does not matter if you are to kill me anyway?" I countered quickly, watching him with slight fear.

"Who said I was to kill you if you gave me this information?" He raised his eyebrow to me, for the first time I recognised an accent below his speech, subtle and yet noticeable when one was facing the man who was perhaps to be their death.

"Touche."

He smirked and pushed off from the tree, moving towards me with his hand out, calm oozing over his entire being. "My name is Demetri." I watched him with weary eyes, not offering my own hand in return, perhaps noticing this; he quickly slipped his hand to his cloak pockets, looking for all intents as though he were completely at home.

"Jasper." I offered to him, not really caring for my name, knowing it would not matter if I were dead.

"Well Jasper," He said my name with a twang I did not recognise to his voice, smiling slightly. "I don't advise you spend the rest of your time with ones such as your creator, you seem intelligent enough not to get yourself into too much trouble on your own. Perhaps a new alignment with the correct people might be what you need. Think of this as a warning. If you continue to hunt and rage war over the south, you are bound to end up a pile of ashes on someone's doorstep. I shan't kill you today for I feel generous, but my words must ring clear if you wish to survive in the future. Till then, I think I'll track your maker, your mate, the woman."

Instantly I shook my head, the word mate causing me almost to cringe into myself. "She is not my mate." He smirked at that fact and moved towards the direction he came from.

"Even so. Watch your back." Before slipping off into a run, leaving me stood in wonder a moment before I ran towards our meeting space, shocked that the Volturi, the men we were to fear and despise had shown mercy on someone such as myself.

It was many years later before I would encounter a Volturi member again, walking beside my new love and our family. I made it almost a ritual to research the Volturi more after my meeting with the strange Demetri, making sure I would never be caught unawares again, I researched them as best I could, I learned of their creation, the wars and their various members before being lucky enough to have connection to not one but two former members when my wife, Alice, lead me to our new family.

Carlisle taught me of their views, how they deferred to our own, while Eleazar taught me of their ways, their people and what made them seem so important. I encountered them with the family this way, finding out that my Alice, my love and wife was desired by Aro, I knew there was something to fear, I knew that there would be no rest for us from those who called themselves our royals. So I was far from ignorant of them the next time their names and involvement crept up to us.

The moment Alice told me she was to go back to Forks to help Charlie with Bella's death, I knew there was something amiss, I knew deep within my bones that Alice would be in more danger than she cared to share, that she even knew. The moment she called me to tell me of her plans to fly with the now alive Bella towards Volterra to save the brother I was accustomed to knowing, I felt the fear creep within me, the Volturi are not known for their forgiving nature, they do not allow things to leave their grasp when they know of them and the one encounter with Demetri would never have a repeat performance, I argued with her not to leave, begged her to let me go with her if she had to. She refused, mentioning how she did not wish to place me in harms way.

I spent days in worry for her, imagining what it would be like without her and coming to the conclusion that I, Jasper Whitlock Hale, would find ways to destroy myself as my brother had so sworn to. That was the day I got the phone call she was safe, she was coming home to me and she was as happy as ever, instantly springing to action I got the family to the airport to welcome her to my arms, instantly needing her with me, needing to see her alive, the fear and awe in me from the vampires who had held her in their grasp for a few short hours only matched once more when they appeared from the mist to minister justice to those we had already disposed of ourselves and to stand against our family in a war which only Alice and I could truly learn to avoid.

I was to see them a few times after that, one time being the near end of me, in which an ultimatum was only reached from the love and favour of my father, before the time was reached for my love and I to join them.

Now here I stand, torn between the love of my family and the new found kinship with these beings, the once feared Volturi who now hold half of me within their family, a choice is needed and yet that choice is one I can not reach myself.

The knowledge that I am accepted here is beyond terrifying, and yet perhaps I am here for a reason, I am here because this is where my life was headed the moment that Demetri and I made our first encounter, I have faced wars with and against the Volturi, but only one thing for me is sure when it comes to my emotional status as I sit here in Volterra writing this, I love the Cullens, but the Volturi are more than a family, they are a way of life.

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**I apologize for the wait. But to speak with me and read more of my being, visit www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com. Something is happening in Forks...**  
**I look forward to seeing you.**

**Jasper**


	6. The Seven Deadly Sins

**Warning: Adult themes are present in this blog, read it with an open mind. - Jazz**

_We are rarely proud when we are alone. – Voltaire_

I was alone, for the first time in nearly fifty years I was alone. Wandering the roads outside the small village of Sleepy Hollow, I felt the weight of the world rest upon my heavy shoulders, the guilt I felt for the wrongs I had committed weighed limp against my already distraught mind. Walking alone I could feel the full force of that guilt that I had carried with me for so long, the guilt from blood, the guilt from death, sex and evil. I was the worst sort of man. The broken man. I did not deserve pity, not even my own.

Longer, still the trail lead on, days passed and I did not hide from the sun. I walked openly, willing death to meet me head on and take me from my numb existence. As I wandered, my mind would throw images towards me, images of the wrongs I had committed, images of each face I had destroyed, each lover I had left heartbroken with the death of their love, my mind was haunted by the image of Peter, the image of Charlotte's disgust at our affair the moment she had realized just exactly what Peter meant to her and that I was nothing but a pawn to pass the time. I looked on these images and thoughts with shame deeper than any I had known before, each step placed yet more weight upon me, the depression began to sink in.

I wondered idly if our kind could run mad. If the constant sway of memories and visions could drive us to the point of insanity, the point in which we would be nothing but ecstasy ridden fools, dribbling venom upon our already blood stained lips and collars. I sure thought I would be mad soon, walking through this nothing filled world with only the images of those I had wronged to keep me company.

I grew thirsty.

Vison after vision took my mind prisoner, the face of one woman in particular troubled me, the face of a young girl, barely seventeen and condemned to our life because of my recklessness. I saw her face clearest of all, my lowest moment taken from my time with her.

I had been fairly new to this life, no more than 6 years into the game when I had come across the girl, she stood tall beside the doorway into her living quarters, her waist long strawberry hair dusted nicely over her shoulders, cascading down her supple body and causing a well desired effect. She was pretty for a human, young and naïve. I intended to walk right by her, to ignore her and find myself a more challenging prey when her blush caught my attention, I'd walked closer to her than I'd intended and it seemed that something about my appearance attracted her greatly. Amused as I was, I intended to toy with the girl and be done, taking the story back to Maria who would laugh with me at the ease at which a human girl could be lured to an alleyway by a stranger and drained completely of her life force, when another thought hit me, the evident lust that washed over me from the girl caused a jolt in me, she stood silent and yet her gaze never left me, her blush deepening and accenting the color of her dress as it clung nicely to her full body.

I was not ignorant, I might have been a monster, joined to another more beautiful monster but I was not ignorant enough to believe that my male self would not react to such expanse of flesh and curves. As she looked to me, clearly lost in some teenaged fantasy, something struck me, something horrible and yet something my monstrous self most certainly wished to do. I paused in my stride and turned once more to the girl, smiling my most alluring smile, charming as I could muster. The blush deepened when she realized I had turned.

"Forgive me ma'am, but I do wonder how it is that such a beauteous girl as yourself could be standing out here on such a darkened night. Are you not afraid?" Her face seemed to fall into shock that I had spoken, her feeble human heart lurching as I spoke, tearing her from her fantasies. The monster in me smiled.

She cast her eyes down and spoke softly, making her voice as light as possible. "I do not see anything to fear sir, stood here upon a well known street in which I am quite well known to my neighbors. I have never seen you about here, are you new to the area?" She blushed again as I took a step towards her, smiling kindly, the bloodlust in me cooled and yet boiling under the surface as the monstrous thoughts cascaded over me. I imagined whispering in her ear seductively, leading her away to a hotel or into her own virginal bedroom, removing the dusty rose dress from her supple body, kissing her as though a careful lover and pushing myself between her thighs, finding physical release until when her emotion was at its highest, I would skin my lips to her warm neck and bite down upon the snowy flesh. The greatest pleasures a man could experience combined into one hail-all conclusion. I could practically taste the sweet scent of release.

I looked down to her hand, charming as I took it in my own and placed a soft kiss to the back of it, my nose lingering close to the sweet scent of her veins, just as I had suspected, innocent. I heard the distinct sound of her giggles.

"You might say I was passing through. My name sweet lady is Jasper and yours?" She moved closer to me subconsciously as my eyes rose to meet hers, hypnotizing her into my own black orbs. She took in a ragged breath.

"My name is Tara."

I smiled sweetly to her, my eyes still connected to hers. My hand still holding onto her own, I was shocked that she had not pulled away yet, the cold touch did not seem to seep through the hypnosis my mind managed to sway over her. "Such a beautiful name, aptly fitting for such a beautiful woman as yourself"

She giggled again. "Sir, if I did not know any better I would say you were trying to make me blush."

I leaned closer, wondering how far this charade could go before she began to feel the terror usually felt by my victims. "Perhaps so…" I allowed my breath to flow over her face, biting back the burn of my throat at such proximity; I had not fed in so long and her blood laced with the scent and feel of lust was quite delectable. It took all my will not to throw the pretense to the dogs and bite her now, and yet my mind was still fixated on the fantasies of my own, imagining how warm it would feel to be between her thighs and sucking from her neck at the same time. It was not that I had not been satisfied with Maria; it was more that I had some curiosity to how this could work.

"Well believe me it is working, however I think I should tell you now that I have a gentleman friend who is on his way to meet me." My head snapped up at that, a male companion was not something I wanted to see at this time, smiling charmingly to her, I leaned in close to whisper.  
"Come with me, just for a moment, I would like to show something to you…"

"What do you think you are doing Jasper?" a venomous voice cut through the dark instantly making me jump back from the girl as Maria stepped forward, her eyes dark, her anger evident.

"¿Me sigue usted ahora Maria? ¿No se fía usted de mí? Mi belleza que yo solamente cazaba"** If my voice were able it would have quivered with fear for Maria's displeasure. My mind was now silent from the sinful fantasies that had taken me moments before, how could I possibly even imagine doing such a thing when I had such a loving and worshipful lover right before me. The blood was merely an added effect so easily achieved with my particular power.

She raised a delicate eyebrow to me and I felt the fear of the girl beside me in that moment, Maria looked nothing of a human, she looked terrifying and mystical, I understood why the girl would tremble where she stood had the positions been reversed. Her lips curled back in a sneer, an angry rumble was nearly prominent in her chest, as small as Maria was she was certainly more terrifying than any other of our kind I had met.

"Hunting? Come now Jasper, if that were so you would say it in English for the girl to hear." She bore her teeth as she cast a glance to the shaking child beside me. "I will admit she is pretty, if you like that type. And do you Jasper? Does it get a raise from you? Or are you just as twisted as the rest of us." Her eyes were slits as she glared at me. "Am I not enough for you? Or perhaps you wished me to find you like this?" She smirked nastily and moved forward, grabbing the child and yanking her forward, leaning in towards her and bringing her tongue from her lips to graze along the girl's face as she squirmed. "A little show for you my dear?" The girl's fear spiked to maddening heights.

"Maria, I was only hunting…"

"If that would be so, surely you would not mind if I were to bite her here, change her? Is that what you want?"

Frustrated I let out a guttural growl which caused the girl to shriek for a second before Maria clamped her mouth shut. Maria's eyes held my own then, challenging as she pulled the girl's neck to the side harshly, daring me to attack her. I snarled softly. "Do with her what you must, I'm bored of this." Before turning away from them, I tried to ignore the girl's cry of pain as Maria sunk her teeth in right there, walking forward without a glance to see if she had spared the girl to a death or condemned her to this life I was stopped by the sight of a young lad, hidden behind a building, watching us in horror, my thirst leapt, burning my throat in hells pure fire, I had not realized before how thirsty I was. Without a thought I grabbed him from his hiding space and bit savagely into his neck, allowing the lifeblood that flowed within to coat my throat deliciously, my anger making my thirst yet more prominent as I drained him dry within a few seconds, dropping his corpse to the floor and about to leave once more to find new prey, I was astounded to hear the whimpers of pain coming from the girl still held in Maria's arms.

Maria gazed to me as she held her, her eyes all knowing, smoldering with the excitement the blood gave her and all I saw was the lust.

"Why bother?" I asked her later as we lay back in our place within the stronghold."I wanted to see you squirm each moment you look to her and know that is your fault." She giggled as though her words were not filled with malicious at all, but rather a masochistic pleasure. Any other vampire might have laughed with her but I did not, knowing already that the guilt would build upon me yet more…

I walked on until finally coming to the edge of a small town, the dawn was near and I felt my shoulders slump more, in the memories I found myself willing death, remembering how I had disposed of her like the other newborns, how I had pictured committing the highest of sins against her. I prayed that god would find it within him to forgive me, or else end my torment now and banish me to the pits of hell. Anything would be better than this limbo, for that is where I was, stuck in the limbo between heaven and hell, I was not evil yet I was far from good, I could not be what I was meant to be, could not be what I wanted to.

The depression sunk deeper pride I had held before within anything I had done in my time as a creature of the night had turned instead to self-hatred. I wanted it to end, I wanted nothing more than to die and meet the maker who had condemned me to do such sin. I wanted sins that plague man have been known often to plague our kind more than most, and if that were so then I was suffering from the seven deadly sins beyond anything one could imagine, pride, lust, greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, wrath… each stabbed at me like a million daggers to a human heart, yet no matter how I willed it, death would not come so easily and the guilt weighed heaver still on my shoulders.

I walked on.

**Translation: Are you following me now Maria? Do you not trust me? My beauty, I was merely hunting.

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**The Volturi Guard are up to something...tune in at www(dot)cullensonline(dot)com to see what it is exactly... **


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